Cole is a Game About Coal. AND NOTHING ELSE.
I don’t know why you’re even reading this, since I’ve already explained the entire game in the title. If you are in desperate need of more details, though, Cole is a game where you are an alien clone and you shovel coal into the furnace of the S.S. Spaceship until you die of old age or, if you’re lucky, a heart attack while young. Do you go on some sort of adventure where you figure out why the captain of the ship has enslaved this race of clones? Do you get to fight and platform using neat gesture-based controls like you see in all the lovely screenshots on the game’s site and Kickstarter page?
No, of course you don’t. That would be silly. This is a game about coal, and the shoveling thereof. Pay attention.
Yes, I know there are lots of lovely animated screenshots showing the main character doing exciting things that you might enjoy doing. Doesn’t the main character seem to be having a good time as he fights off the ship’s security systems while dodging weird threats? Well, ignore that, as the developer assures me that there is nothing of the sort in the final build. And the game certainly doesn’t have a dark sense of humor about work and life, either! No sir! This is a very smart game about the futility of life in the working world, written and developed by some very smart graduates of USC’s game development programs. Why would there be something as silly as fun platforming and combat, or a narrative about escaping your work in some grand adventure? That’s not something very smart graduates of very smart programs do with their time. Don’t be ridiculous.
A work this serious about coal requires a lot of funding, so hopefully you will consider sending some of the money you made while working your own miserable, soul-crushing form of employment. After all, what other game promises to let you relax and unwind after a hard day of work with some back-breaking labor? If you wish to know more about how to give yourself over to more hard work in your spare time, you can also follow the developers on Twitter, Facebook, or on the game’s site. Just don’t do it at work. That wouldn’t be productive, would it?
